Over the past seven years, my two nieces, ages 28 and 30, must have been to no less than forty weddings in various states of the U.S. and a dozen different locations around the world. Theyāve been to Cartagena, Punta Cana, Mexico City, Madrid, Florence, Medellin, Caracas, Malta and San Miguel de Allende ā and these are just the locations I remember.
One hears that people marry less nowadays, but that doesnāt jibe with what Iām seeing. Could it be that all the frenzy surrounding marriage is clouding my perception?
The rehearsal dinner, the wedding proper, and a day-after-the-wedding brunch are now de rigueur festivities, and the list of mandatory events and practices keeps growing.
Thereās the proposal, where the spouse-to-be acts utterly surprised theyāre being presented with an engagement ring at a spot with a picture-perfect background, and at a time of day when the light is just right for a professional photographer to snap five dozen photos.
Then thereās the engagement party, often following the absolutely unexpected proposal for which the spouses-to-be happened to be wearing outfits that perfectly complemented each other.
For brides, one wedding gown doesnāt seem to cut it anymore. A couple of hours into the wedding bash, they often change into a more comfortable yet still new gown theyāll only wear once.
And what about the shower? Theyāre getting more and more sophisticated. Guys have now taken to going away for a few days to Vegas, a lake house, or a cabin in the woods to hang out with their bros one last time as single men.
Where does it all end?
Well, all I can say is that it hasnāt ended yet. My cousinās daughter recently went to a wedding that involved a pre-wedding. The festivity took place the evening between the rehearsal dinner and the wedding proper and consisted of a more intimate party for a select group of seventy guests.
Oh! Letās not forget the honeymoon. Now newlyweds pay people to assist in planning their honeymoon to Iceland, Croatia, Bali or an African safari.
I come from a privileged background. My parents paid for my wedding, which was lovely and involved one dress, and my husband and I paid for the honeymoon. We went to Italy and France using the āLetās Go: Europeā travel guide, one that was popular in the 1990s with students on a budget. We considered ourselves extravagant.
People my nieces’ age complain that buying a home or having kids is too expensive. Yet, even if theyāre paying for their wedding themselves, they go all out. What with all the money spent on weddings -theirs and other peopleās- wouldnāt many couples have enough to put a down payment on something?
And it doesnāt stop at the wedding. Iām thinking of the emerging tradition of gender reveal parties, where the couple and guests discover whether the baby will be a boy or a girl. Iāve only been to one, where a big balloon was popped to release a profusion of blue confetti. Some people, a friend tells me, pay for the glitter and confetti to rain down from a helicopter.
Iām not judging. Really, Iām not. Iām just poking fun from the standpoint of a 55-year-old who predicts some couples will look back and view the current hoopla as ridiculous. I, for one, wish my wedding had been half the size, cost my parents half the money.
The younger generations are invited to poke fun right back at me for sounding like my mother.
It strikes me as a sign Iām getting older that Iām having difficulty wrapping my head around societal changes surrounding the tying of the knot. That and tattoos.
A version of this essay was first published in Crow’s Feet