Public Ponder

By Daniella Mini

It takes Diego’s cousin Eugenia (who’s the same age as him) a few text messages to arrange an outing to a bar with friends in Manhattan.

Should Eugenia decide to work remotely from Mexico City for a couple of months just because she wants a “Latin America experience,” she’s able to make all the necessary arrangements.

She has done both: bars in Manhattan (many times) and remote work from Mexico.

There’s nothing extraordinary about it. The vast majority of 27-year-old adults can do these types of things independently if they can afford it.

Not Diego. Given his autism and cognitive challenges, he needs to enlist the help of an adult to get what he wants, and I’m not talking about living it up in the big city or visiting a foreign country for any amount of time. I mean simple things like going out for ice cream or to see his Abuela, who lives less than three miles away from us.

Diego may have a very low IQ, but he more than makes up for it with his cleverness, persistence and endearing nature -so much so that he has come up with six fairly fail-proof tactics to get others to help him get what he wants.

Read on, then, because these tactics can help you too!

Ask Early

This strategy lays the groundwork. It sets the stage for Diego’s other tactics and gives his asks validity.

When you ask early, people are far more likely to say yes. It’s just so easy to commit when you don’t need to fulfill that commitment in the near future. The future, though, invariably catches up to you and you can’t get away with saying you didn’t have time or save enough money. Asking early eliminates the possibility for any excuse other than a serious illness or an alien invasion.

Diego really, really, REALLY wants a Mr. Freeze (a villain from DC’s Batman) action figure for Christmas. He stated his wish loud and clear at the beginning of September. That’s three months in advance. With this much time to get the purchase done, how could I possibly not meet this want?

Get Commitment

By commitment, I mean a specific commitment, the more specific the better.

Diego is partial to getting it down in writing. He used to have me write it down on a piece of paper. Now he prefers to record the agreement via text message. He’ll write (in his own invented spelling), “Get Mr. Freeze for Christmas,” and I must reply “Yes”.

As the fulfillment date approaches, the details of the commitment are fleshed out. First, “Order Mr. Freeze in December,” then, “Order Mr. Freeze on Amazon in December,” followed by, “Order Mr. Freeze on Amazon on December 6,” until he gets to, “Order Mr. Freeze on Amazon on December 6 after work.”

Some desires, like visiting Abuela, just become part of the routine. They turn into ongoing commitments with no expiration date. Doing groceries with his Aunt Lole on Sundays is another ongoing commitment. It is expected that it will be so. If it won’t be so, then it’s on Lole to make up for it.

Repeat What You Want 63 Times

When a pledge is made months in advance, Diego has ample opportunities to remind you of it, sporadically at the beginning and ever more frequently as the day approaches.

First it’s every other day, then daily, then twice daily, until you get to the day before and, finally, the big day, where every other sentence will be about what he’s expecting from you.

Sometimes, you casually agree to something Diego suggests to do in a few hours. Diego will still find ways to turn the “yes” into an indissoluble pact.

One morning, for instance, I agreed that it would be a great idea to go out for ice cream later. Well, Diego found multiple opportunities to cement the plan: “I’m excited to go get ice cream after lunch,” he would remark now and again. “Ice cream at 4:00 pm,” he texted a couple of times even though we were both home.

He wears you out, and it works.

Use Humor

In Diego’s case, the humor is accidental. But one could be deliberate about it.

Show Gratitude

Diego’s gratitude goes far beyond thanking you verbally. There is the smile and hug, the rapture as he holds the item he so wanted, the pure joy of the experience he so looked forward to.

“My wish has come true!” he might say, and he’ll want to show his new book or action figure to anyone who visits. He appreciates all he has and doesn’t forget who the special giver was of anything received since the age of 12.

Say “I Love You” Many Times

Take that morning I mentioned earlier when Diego asked to go out for ice cream. We went for a run and Diego kept mentioning the plan over and over. I was growing annoyed by the repetitiveness, as I often do. Well, I don’t know if that had anything to do with it, but Diego did offset my exasperation with frequent I-love-you’s. “Mom, I love you,” “I love you, mom.” Out of the blue.

And what did I say back to him? Exactly what he wanted to hear, “Diego, you know I love and adore you too, but please stop talking about the ice cream. We will go out for ice cream this afternoon.” He wanted to hear it said, and the ask confirmed yet again.

By Daniella Mini

Alexander Hamilton portrait by John Trumbull 1806, detail. Credit: Wikimedia Commons

I became obsessed with the musical Hamilton when it was released on Disney+ a few months into the pandemic. Given the lockdown and all, I watched it to my heart’s content, surely annoying my husband with my frequent references to it and my need for him to declare it the exception to his steadfast assertion that he dislikes musicals.

The more I watched it, the more some lines came to mind in all manner of situations, from personal decisions and trials to national controversies and events.

Thus, dearest readers (drum roll in the background), before my Hamilton fever entirely subsides, I hereby present to you a few of the lines I collected for our joint pondering pleasure.

“Every action’s an act of creation.”

This line grounds me and gives me a feeling of self-importance. Whaddaya know, every one of my behaviors— from the unconscious and routine to the most complex and premeditated — creates something!

When I breathe, I take in oxygen, let out carbon dioxide and keep my body alive. Kind of important what I create -my life’s sustenance, no less- by merely breathing, no?

Our consumer behaviors contribute to global, local and individual trends. How do you affect the environment, the local economy, and your own future through your actions as a consumer?

Of course, there are also deliberate acts of creation. Teachers create lesson plans. Writers create essays, novels and copy. Chefs create dishes. Weight lifters create muscle mass. Legislators create laws and pass bills where some gain and others lose.

We are all creators.

“If you stand up for nothing Burr, what will you fall for?”

What do I stand for really?

Not to toot my own horn (ok, a little bit to toot my own horn), but I will say I strive to lead a coherent life. In general, I stand for broad themes: life, liberty and the pursuit of virtues, purpose and fulfillment.

But is there actually anything I would fall for, as in dying for?

Honestly, I can’t think of any idea or goal I would die for, as in taking up arms like Hamilton and his fellow revolutionaries did to achieve independence from the British.

However, I would certainly die for my children any day. I desperately hope I would be brave like the Flight 93 passengers if I knew what they knew when they decided to storm the cockpit on 9/11.

“Another immigrant coming up from the bottom.”

As a US citizen who immigrated to the United States 230 years after Hamilton took the voyage from the Caribbean island of Nevis to New York, I can relate. Unlike Hamilton, I didn’t come alone or by boat, but I did come with a dream.

To this day, thousands of people keep arriving on US soil with hopes and dreams, a great deal of energy, and a readiness to make sacrifices and persevere. Most native-born Americans seldom think about immigrants in this way nowadays. They should!

“Raise a glass to freedom, something they can never take away, no matter what they tell you.”

This line always makes me think, immediately, of this quote from Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Hamilton and his pals fought for political freedom, not spiritual or psychological freedom. Ultimately, inner freedom is beyond the reach of any tyrant.

And here, I can’t help but bring up the poem Invictus, by William Ernest Henley, which I just have to include in full, as it expresses the idea of inner freedom and self-possession in a sublimely moving way:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

“I am not throwing away my shot.”

This, of course, is one of the stickiest lines in the whole show. It’s a great motivational mantra.

One can look it at in many ways. Say you landed a job interview for a great position. You have a shot! Prepare well for it and the job may be yours. Fail to prepare and you’re straight up throwing away your shot.

It doesn’t mean there won’t be other shots for you, whether for a job, relationship, trip, or visit with a loved one. But the more you take a shot when one comes around, the more fully you will live.

At life itself, we only get one shot. That’s a scary thought, don’t you think?

“Oceans rise; empires fall.”

We sure hear what we are predisposed to hearing. Here are the thoughts that come to mind when I hear this line:

Climate change is slowly but surely causing oceans to rise.

All empires have fallen. When will the US empire be considered to have fallen?

I can’t help it. I’m awfully worried about climate change, so every time I hear King George sing “Ocean’s rise,” I’m alarmed: “OMG, oceans are rising. We’re running out of time. Our planet is doomed!”

Whether or not the US is declining as an empire is not something I lose sleep over. To my mind, the US doesn’t need to be the world’s greatest superpower to have a positive influence in the world.

Still, the line causes me to wonder: What type of leadership is the US exercising? Which countries would replace the US?

A lot to think about as a result of pondering four words from a Hamilton song!

“Life [death, love] doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints.”

Do you believe in karma? I don’t. At least not so much. Here are some reasons why:

Too many awful people get to be powerful and rich.
Good people get sick and die young.
Most parents love their children no matter what, whether their kids end up being criminals or model citizens.
Many people live with trauma and continue to love people who’ve done terrible things to them.
Narcissists may be loved and elevated by many.
Amazing people are sometimes unable to find romantic partners.
Innocent folks are sentenced to death now and then.

We don’t necessarily deserve what we get. We may have the freedom to take a stand or to decide our attitude toward life’s events, but what we get is, to a significant extent, beyond our control.

In closing…

The only reason Hamilton was released on Disney+ was the emergence of an abhorrent virus known as COVID-19 which decidedly “doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints.”

As such, it reminds us of the fragility of the human condition, of the importance of taking a stand when necessary, of our freedom regardless of circumstance, and of not throwing away our one shot at life.