“Did you hear the news about Ben Affleck?” Diego, my 30-year-old autistic son, asked me this past summer.
“No, Diego. What happened?” I replied, wondering if Affleck had died or something.
“He split up.”
“With who?” I asked. I can’t keep up with celebrity couples.
“With J Lo.”
“Oh no!” I said. Anyone could see the news had hit him hard.
“I handled it. Like I handled it when my aunt and uncle broke up.”
The notion that people who love each other might one day want to separate is disconcerting to Diego. He can’t wrap his head around it. To him, love is forever, like in Disney movies, through which Diego largely makes sense of the world.
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez splitting up is like Beauty and the Beast deciding to go their separate ways. Brad Pitt leaving Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie? Well, that was as appalling as Prince Charming dumping Cinderella for Sleeping Beauty.
“What do you think about people getting divorced?” I probed once.
“Not you guys!” was the first thing he said.
My husband, Cesar, and I occasionally fight. (I know, shocking.) When Diego witnesses or even hears us fight, he will seek reassurance as soon as he can.
“You and dad love each other,” he will say.
We do. Still, Diego’s words remind me of how important my marriage is and to work on keeping it fulfilling. I think both Cesar and I would prefer staying in an unhappy marriage over breaking our son’s heart.
In Diego’s book, love is forever in any close relationship, not only the romantic kind. He doesn’t grasp hate, disdain and resentment between family members or friends because his heart doesn’t harbor such emotions.
What’s more, he finds their existence unpleasant, to the point that when he hears someone speak ill of a person they’re supposed to love, he covers his ears, squints, and mumbles, “I don’t wanna hear that.”
As for Diego, you will never hear him say mean things about anyone. Well, almost anyone. When certain politicians are mentioned, he’ll blurt out, “So-and-so is a loser.”
But, if you disparage a person he loves, he will interject, “So and so loves me,” as if that were all that matters.
Because, to him, love is all that matters.