Posting Diego: Consent and the Ethics of Sharing

By Daniella Mini

There’s surely nothing objectionable about a mother posting photos and videos of her adult son with his consent. But what if, like Diego, the son has an intellectual disability? 

When I created my Instagram and Facebook accounts in 2019, the question didn’t cross my mind. At 50, I’d never used social media. But I’d recently started writing and blogging and had heard that an author needed a so-called platform. And so I created my Insta account and FB page. It was a no-brainer. After all, social media is free.

Much of my writing centers on my parenting journey. I’d post writing excerpts, links to my latest pieces, and images of Diego and other family members. The more I posted, the more I learned what appealed to the Instagram and FB worlds. Still, my growth was slow. Over four and a half years, I reached 2,000 followers on Instagram and 400 on my FB page. 

But then, in May 2024, a thirteen-second clip of my son eating “Pad Thai like Kung-fu Panda and Mulan” with “soy sauce made of sugar” went viral. It was my first post to do so. Since then, my reach has accelerated. My FB page now has 17k followers and my Instagram account nearly 9k, garnering 8M and 4M monthly views each.

This expanded reach, along with a tiny proportion of comments suggesting my posts might be exploitative, has triggered that “I’m not sure about this feeling” and forced me to ask myself:

Am I doing anything unethical? Should I keep posting?

Before offering my answers, I’d like people to know that I care about the influence, however modest, anything I post might have. I also don’t dismiss criticism from others off-hand. When some folks wrote in that they didn’t appreciate Diego linking Pad Thai with animated movies associated with the wrong Asian country, I understood. Coming from Latin America, sometimes it bothers me when people homogenize the region. 

All of this to say that I’ve engaged in serious self-examination and given the two questions above a great deal of thought.

Here’s where I currently stand: “No, my behavior is not unethical” and “Yes, I will continue posting Diego.”

As I said, he fully consents to the posts.

But outside this basic fact, and based on thousands of comments, the content spreads joy while showing the unexpectedly enchanting side that often accompanies neurodiversity. The world needs more of both. 

Here are the kinds of responses I get:

“We just stumbled upon your page and so glad we did as Diego has now been the sunshine of our entire day. The way he speaks and interprets his thoughts, feelings and experiences is truly magical.”

“My son is on the spectrum he is 7 years old and he knows English and some of Spanish and he speaks the same way.”

“I just wanted to thank you for sharing videos of Diego -he is one of the best parts of my Instagram feed now, I’m a new follower.”

But beyond these overwhelmingly positive comments, I confess that, like many other decisions I’ve made, this one comes with a degree of caution. This is why I want to be open about my motives and the content I put out. People should know the following:

– I’ve written a memoir about my unanticipated parenting journey and am working on attracting agents and publishers. My online presence could help with this effort. I ardently hope it does.

– There’s more to Diego than what people see on social media. He’s not hilarious and fascinating 24/7. I post what grabs my attention, what I think reflects the unique, funny and beautiful in him. 

-I take negative comments seriously. They contain valid points and make me more mindful of what I reveal.

-Yes, Diego’s in on this. But then again, he trusts me and loves nothing more than my attention, which he gets when we’re making our little videos. Every day, he asks me to interview him! His complete trust and unconditional love are not only gifts but also responsibilities.

Parenting Diego has taught me that my views evolve and sometimes change dramatically. This short reflection is my first attempt at summarizing my inner and ongoing dialogue about posting Diego. As I continue to share, I hope to convey what it’s like for a person to live without darkness in their heart.

And to all those engaging with my social media content: I appreciate you.